In Honor of the Pens-Caps Rivalry, Some Little Known Facts About Alex Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby

- Alex Ovechkin can score a hat-trick with two goals...Sidney Crosby misses a shot and asks the referees for a do-over.
- Ovechkin's slapshots are faster than most Indy cars...Crosby's have barely beaten a Jalopy down the ice.
- Alex Ovechkin loves to hit guys, especially if they are in his way...Crosby will also hit guys, but only if he is sure they will not retaliate, if he's within short skating distance of the bench (aka, his "safey safe") and as long as the other player is in the 5th grade.
- Before games, Ovechkin listens to hip-hop, rap, and hard rock...Crosby listens to the soundtrack from "Annie."
- Most guys get up and eat a bowl of nails for breakfast. Ovechkin eats the entire hardware store, no milk, then washes it down with motor oil (to keep him skating fast). Crosby skips breakfast to watch his weight.
- Alex Ovechkin has been speared by opponents in the groin often, yet he keeps playing. This is not because Ovechkin wears a cup or because he is just tough. He has an extra grapefruit so he plays knowing he will always be able to reproduce...Crosby wimpers to the bench when his foot falls asleep.
- Ovechkin's tears contain the cure to HIV, unfortunately he's never cried...Crosby's sperm have the cure to cancer, unfortunately he has no balls.
- Chuck Norris once challenged Ovechkin to a roundhouse kick vs. slap shot showdown. The force of the collision caused a rift in the space time continuum. Freddy Kruger challenged Crosby to a slap fight. Unwittingly, Crosby accepted and was shredded to pieces.
- Satan blessed Alex Ovechkin with an incredible slap shot in exchange for Alex's soul. Ovechkin agreed, and then fired a puck off Satan's head and snagged his soul back. Satan later laughed, admitted he should have seen it coming and now Ovechkin and Satan have a regular card game together...God once told his son that he planned on blessing Sidney Crosby with incredible hockey skills. God's son's answer was "I'd rather be nailed to a two by four." The rest is history.

*Editors note: these are all humorous comparisons, many taken from Chuck Norrisisms. I'm not denying that Crosby is a fine player, but merely pointing out all the ways in which Alex Ovechkin rocks.